What I mean by wanting is to be forward in my mind from where my body and its now experience is right now. I think that makes sense. When I am in wanting I am not in balance with the now. The wanting is in the now because everything that is happening in the now. So therefore it is the effect of what is happening that I am referring to. The effect is that there is an imbalance that exists between the desire that the wanting represents and the awareness of what is happening within the body. With this imbalance a wabble is occurring, a spinning off-center like a washing machine on the spin cycle that is off-balance and the whole machine is banging on the floor. When in balance the machine can still be spinning but there is a smooth flow.
With wanting there is a separation between what is in my mind and what is happening in my body. There is a pushing for whatever I am doing to be finished so that I can do something to acquire the wanting. If the wanting is just wanting and there is nothing for me to do to acquire it then I am continually in a state of imbalance. In this state tension is created and that leads to additional imbalance and etc.
Wanting is a futuristic thought. That is it is about having something occur in the future. It is like planning but with impatience about getting what the wanting is.
Desire seems to be a greater amount of wanting. Obsession a grater amount of desire etc.
Wanting feels like my face and body are pushing forward from the inside about a half-inch deep towards the outside. I feel that my entire body is leaning forward so that as in walking I am in a state of continual imbalance which is somewhat balanced by the forward motion that allows me to catch myself with the next step. With wanting the movement is to be able to get to do the action that will give me the wanted thing. I start to go faster with whatever I am doing and this movement is like that of walking so that I am catching the forward push of the wanting and not falling over. When I start to go faster with the activity or action that I am in the middle of trying to get that finished so that I can get onto doing the thing that will give me the want I create tension and lose equanimity. I start to lose the excellence of the result of what I am doing in addition to not enjoying the doing. If golf I swing to fast, if typing I hit the wrong key, if eating I bite my tongue, if hammering I hit my thumb, if reading I miss the meaning, if speaking I am not fully heard, if listening I am not really there.
The opposite of wanting is not caring, being complacent, lacking desire. Being less alive. Like Simon and Garfunkel may have said, “I am a rock I am an island.” The opposite is like being one snow flake . Although each individual snow flake is beautiful and unique when they touch each other and join together they are reunited in a geometric multiple of that beauty.
Therefore the elimination of wanting may not be a good thing. Just as a bird must have two wings and they must flap to allow flight wanting may be one wing of a pair.
Okay follow this . The now can become a meditation that is returned to like the breath. Wanting may pull us away from the awareness of now so far that we forget to return for to long a time. But what of intention? Intention may also pull us away from the now but with a gentle nudge and we can return or still also be aware of the now even when holding an intention. Holding an intention may be less attached than holding a heavier wanting. Or maybe the wanting is even heavier and it must be carried rather than held. Imagine a knapsack that is empty or one loaded with varying amounts of rocks as compared to holding a butterfly in an open palm.
When the amount of awareness is not holding the knapsack loaded with wanting it is open to the lighter energetic molecules of emotion of happiness and joy. These can be sense/felt within the body mind as long as the heavier molecules of emotion are not being created by wanting and desire. There is a continual infusion of the molecules of emotion like a light bulb glowing as electricity passes through it. The light can easily be turned on and off. So can the molecules of emotion. Just let go of the wanting or desire and there is an immediate release which you can sense/feel and the lighter molecules of emotion come into awareness. It is as if the happiness and joy are always there but can be covered up by the heaviness of wanting and desire.
Posture is a mode of affecting the molecules of emotion. Leaning forward resonates with wanting. Leaning backward with complacency. Imagine a broomstick held upside down on one finger. In the moments of balance it feels weightless. Gravity appears to be helping to hold it up! So to with the body.
Sit up in balance. Be in balance sitting from front to back and side to side. There is an immediate shift in how you feel. The molecules of emotion have immediately shifted and your breathing is also shifted to a somewhat deeper and slower pace. As soon as you start to focus on the shift thoughts may return to the wanting and notice what just also occurred; your posture slackened at the same time. A you can you hold the balanced posture so to can you hold the lighter molecules of emotion and the happiness and joy they allow you to feel.
Just as we cannot continually hold a balanced posture and just as we cannot continually hold joy and just as we must do something so that we can eat, be clean, help others, provide for the winter freeze and practice playing golf we fall behind and the effects of the wanting and desire creep in and build up their own residual hoard of the effects of the heavier molecules of emotion. Therefore it helps to practice the actions that build up the lighter molecules and help decrease the supply of the heavier ones. And these are for another discussion. Ha ha cliff hanger.
No actually the states of compassion and joy, loving kindness, forgiveness and equanimity build the lighter molecules. Some of these molecules can be stored in caches within the body system and also if they are being produced there alter egos of the heavier molecules are not. Formal meditation on the above creates the molecules. Casual meditation while doing anything holds off the heavier ones. You can also (when the supply of lighter molecules is available) touch the supply, like the fragrance of a rose, and let go of the wanting for an instant boost of joy and happiness. With practice this becomes the default position.
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